Dispatches from the Fury Road: Cinema Walkers
Going to the cinema these days feels like being trapped in an old episode of The Walking Dead. There are walkers everywhere and none of them are adding much to the narrative.
I go to the movies as often as a money hungry grandchild visits their wealthy nan and pop. I love seeing films in their natural habitat: in the dark on a big screen with Val Morgen adverts.
This year I’ve noticed a lot of people leaving movies at any given point and never returning. This is anathema to me, right up there with turning off the radio when a David Bowie song drops or knocking back an offer of Haigh’s chocolate.
Normally once a film begins, I’m so focused a WWE-styled fight could break out next to me and I’d miss the whole royal rumble. This year people leaving has happened in my line of sight so often I now go into a film with an over/under number in mind.
Is this a post-pandemic trend? Are we so conditioned to watching films at home if a story doesn’t grab us in the first twenty minutes, we’d rather bail than forge ahead in the hope the story wins us over?
Friends now seem flippantly critical too, quick to give the thumbs down over one off-line of dialogue or a random continuity error. A movie doesn’t have to be perfect for me to enjoy it. I’m not going out on a limb to say The Godfather is a masterpiece, but in the scene where Sonny beats up Carlo, one of his punches clearly misses by a country mile. I’m not turning my nose up at Coppola’s work over one glitch in the Mafioso Matrix.
As an experiment I’d love to host a cinema session where everyone gets a clicker. I’d love to watch an audience where everyone wields the power of a remote, but everyone must share their reasons for giving up, why they’re changing channels or think this is the best place to pause to make a sandwich.
What I find fascinating is that I’ve watched this occur in a broad range of films.
Three couples walked out of TAR. A group of four left Megan 20 minutes before the end. I watched two couples leave the Oscar nominated Triangle of Sadness and that was before the projectile puking. In their defence they might have thought the film was taking too long to get to the good stuff.
I watched two women leave the heartachingly beautiful Aftersun after thirty minutes. It’s a 90-minute film. They left after a third of the movie. I guess they were happy to pay $25 for their pre-show “Paul Mescal Martini” and now it was time to talk about the important topics of the day like the latest episode of MAFs and what Gary in accounts said to Julie on reception. Come on Gary, get it together.
Babylon inspired seven different couples to leave for less attractive pastures. I know the movie was a hot mess, but I really enjoyed it. I’d rather see an ambitious film that exceeds its grasp than a blockbuster that paints its CGI story by the Marvel-ous numbers. A good friend of mine refused to see Babylon because he heard it wasn’t good but has watched the latest Dr Strange film three times, a movie I know he hates. I guess he’s more comfortable spooning with his fury than seeing a film he might enjoy despite the algorithm of critics.
I’m an optimistic movie goer. I’ve never left a film early. I’ll stay right until the end in the off chance something brilliant happens that redeems a bad movie. If I can say, “I liked the song that played over the end credits”, it doesn’t feel like a total loss. I figure I’ve invested money into this experience, let’s hang around to see if any of it was justified.
In the meantime I’m going to start sitting at the front of the cinema. That way people can leave whenever they want, and I can be blissfully unaware while I’m enchanted by the moving images on the silver screen.
Justin Hamilton
Surry Hills
19th of March 2023