Dispatches from the Fury Road: Sales.
“The sales are on and you gotta get in quick to nail those savings.”
“Nah, I’m good thanks. I’ve got what I need for the moment.”
“But this air fryer is usually $360 and is on sale for $179.99.”
“Yeah but I still have to pay $179.99 for an air fryer I’ll use four times before putting it away with the blender, croc pot, and whatever that other thing covered in dust is.”
“Think of all the things you can cook with this air fryer though.”
“I’m a middle-aged white man who lives alone. I cook five different things, three regularly. I’m good thanks.”
“Can I interest you in 20% off these Blu-Rays instead?”
“Not at the moment. I believe in physical media but none of those films appeal and I already bought Oppenheimer on 4k and Blu Ray the day it was released. I did say I was a middle-aged white guy, right?”
“Think about all the savings you’re missing out on!”
“Why don’t you think about the money I’m saving by not spending? Who are you by the way?”
“Don’t worry about that. I’m just trying to get you to cash in on some of these bargains.”
“I’m not really looking for any bargains and to be honest, I’d love to know how you got into my home.”
“What about some new sneakers? You save $30 when you spend over $250.”
“I’ll just keep the $250 thanks.”
“What about 2 for 1 towels?”
“I’ve got all the towels I need.”
“What about these tyres for your car?”
”Don’t own a car.”
“But they’re on sale.”
“I don’t even own a backyard to tie a rope to the tyre so I can swing in it. No.”
“Wow. You really hate bargains.”
”Nope. I hate capitalism and over zealous marketing.”
“You’re loss mate. I’m leaving.”
”Good. I never invited you in here in the first place.”
“You’re going to have to wait a few months before our next sales frenzy.”
“By that stage I’ll have changed the locks so you can’t get back in.”
“But I will. You know that deep down.”
“Sigh. Yeah. You’re right.”
“I can get you a bargain on those locks now if you…”
Door slams. Hammo gets back to watching YouTube clips breaking down opening scenes of Oppenheimer. He is finally content.
And he spent nothing.
Justin Hamilton
Surry Hills
11th of January, 2024