Dispatches from the Fury Road: Stars.

I’m a fan of stars.

There’s those that twinkle in the night sky from many centuries ago. There’s our own Sun who we have the agreed understanding that it will provide us with Vitamin D but it is up to us to make certain that’s all it gives. I like that relationship. I know where I stand.

I’m fascinated by black holes which are stars that have collapsed into themselves like the one in Interstellar or Jon Voight. I was initially a fan of Star Wars until it was overexposed like Taylor Swfit at a Kansas City Chief’s game, but then was cautiously won back by my love of season one of Andor.

I like some movie stars, pop stars, rock stars, comedy stars, and other entertaining stars. Not all of them. Just some. Certain writers are stars I will always orbit. I would be remiss to point out I will always stand by my love of David Bowie from Starman to Blackstar.

I felt pride as a kid when I was rewarded with a gold star. I coveted Chuck Taylor sneakers as a kid, mostly because my favourite basketballer Magic Johnson wore them, but also for the aesthetic of the logo. What can I say? I love stars.

But not all stars.

I know like stars when it comes to reviews.

They’re a blight on the arts and entertainment world. For starters nobody can agree on how many stars constitutes a great to poor review. I’ve read damning reviews that award a movie three stars. I’ve read orgasmic reviews that award a movie also three stars. Some sites review on a five star rating system, others on a four. So is a three on a five star system the equivalent of a two and a half on a four star system? Then when a hellhole like Rotten Tomatoes aggregates all the stars, we’re suddenly lead to believe there’s a real consensus on the worth of a film.

We also let dipsticks give their star rating which then gets reported on by lazy journalists looking for a story to tell. Not because it is interesting, but because they need “content” to fill their pages and keep the advertising bucks coming in. Why would I give a flying shit what Ethan K Diddly thinks about “True Detective: Night Country”? It was reported that the series was being review bombed by simplistic men who can’t bear the idea of a female orientated mystery series on HBO. EKD (as I’m sure his other sweaty bone-headed friends refer to him) thinks Jodie Foster is overrated.

Overrated!

Jodie fucking Foster!

She’s another star I’ve loved for decades and she’s as great as she’s ever been.

Why has this knucklehead got a platform that allows him to have any effect on someone’s work by posting a one-star review that brings the aggregate down? I don’t know anything about surgery but am I allowed to watch a surgeon at work and then post a one-star review because they’re not as handsome as George Clooney in his ER days?

I’m not saying people aren’t entitled to their opinions. I just don’t like it when their opinions that come from a basis of ignorance gets an opportunity to influence something they don’t understand. I once went with my girlfriend to see the theatre show “Wicked”. We left at the break. Not because it wasn’t good but because we realised it wasn’t for us. We then went out, had a drink and promptly forgot about the show. I didn’t immediately get online to post a review to the theatre’s site saying, “Ugh. What’s with all the singing? This is the worst show I’ve ever seen. And not enough focus on the male characters. One star”.

If I were in charge I’d delete the star rating system. If people want to share their thoughts, they can set up their own websites, pay their dues, and get their opinions out there. That way they can’t rely on the star rating to be dismissive of what they just experienced. They would have to express themselves fluently, which in turn would allow punters to either agree or disagree.

In the meantime leave it to people who who are qualified to express their evaluations in ways that have nuance and knowledge. I’m reading a certain reviewer at the moment who’s not particularly enjoying the latest True Detective series. I enjoy reading his work though because; while I don’t agree with his conclusions, I respect his writing and understand why he feels this way. I love Alan Sepinwall but I don’t always agree with him either. He’s thoughtful, smart, erudite and writes from the heart, so even when we disagree, I get it.

By the way, as a punter, we all get the opportunity to express if we do or don’t like something. That’s the power of turning on the TV, changing the channel, going to the cinema, not going to the cinema, buying the latest album, changing the station on the radio, pressing skip on the app etc Embrace the power that you wield as part of your life and everything will improve.

When it all comes down to it though, why am I reading these articles? Why do I get sucked in and suddenly find myself spiralling into the depths of some asshat’s inarticulate thoughts on anything? I should be better than this, I am better than this, but every now and then I stumble and find myself in the wastelands of someone’s unfiltered waste.

For this reason, I can only give myself two stars.

Justin Hamilton

Surry Hills

25th of January, 2024