Disptaches from the Fury Road: Rockhampton
I don’t remember the last time I left Rockhampton.
I’ve been lucky enough to perform in the beef capital of Australia, which is a weird sentence for a vegetarian to write. I do my best to avoid the beef, whether from a moo cow, or a boo person. To be honest, I’ve never met anyone in Rocky that I haven’t had a great time with.
My first trip to Rockhampton was 18 or 20 years ago. Life on the road is fuzzy now after 30 years of touring. I do remember that first trip, with the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I was the host of the show, and it was thrilling. To be taken anywhere to tell jokes, and then to be paid, is something you should never take for granted.
Back then it was so exhilarating I just believed I’d do this forever.
Then time passes. World wide events like Covid occur. You grow older. Nothing lasts forever. But here I am tonight, having just finished our first show on this 2024 tour for the MICF Roadshow, sitting in my hotel room, writing this for you. I plan on being as present as I possibly can be, because who knows if I’ll be lucky enough to come this way again.
Maybe. Possibly. Hopefully. Not definitely.
The last time I was here I was on tour with Wil Anderson and our tour manager Heather Ruck. We finished the gig, and decided to have a nightcap at one of the local bars. Ruckey reminded Wil and I that we had an early start so we could catch the one plane that was flying to Mackay for our next show. We dutifully promised we’d be ready, nice and early.
Then Rocky got rocky.
One nightcap turned into two. Punters from the gig joined us and bought new nightcaps. Then the bar mercifully closed, but there was another place open. So we went there, just for one last nightcap to go along with all of our other nightcaps. Why have one nightcap when you can own the set?
From here everything turned black.
When I woke up it was daylight. Bright daylight. Not that early morning light that eases you into the day. I woke up and came to the stunning conclusion I’d slept in and missed the flight. I panicked. I’d let Wil and Ruckey down. I was also stranded. I was probably going to have to pay for new flights out of my own pocket, back when I was earning hundreds of dollars a year.
Disaster!
Then I looked around and wondered, “Where am I?”
I definitely wasn’t in the hotel I was staying in. This was a completely different room. I felt even more panic rise up through my gut. What had happened? Where was I?
Long story short: Ruckey had somehow managed to wake both Wil and I up, get us to the Rockhampton airport, get us on board the plane, fly us to Mackay, and check us into our new hotels where we could sleep off our poor behaviour. When I spoke to Wil, he not only didn’t remember the trip, but was informed he also did a breakfast radio spot in the car on the way to the airport, promoting the show. From all reports, he was very funny, and only slurred once.
That night in Mackay was a ripper show, but for now this is all about Rockhampton. And Ruckey. We should petition to change the name to Ruckhampton, in honour of Heather and all the tour managers out there who have had to deal with idiot comedians. Maybe they could change the town’s name when the MICF Roadshow swings into town?
Before tonight’s gig I walked around the city, and took it all in. The interesting shop facades. The soft light that shades the buildings as the sun sets. The wide streets and big cars. Tonight’s show was great, this time performing with new friends to new punters. I wonder if anyone remembers me from those previous gigs? I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t, but I do wonder who’s out there, looking at this older comic who was young and full of beans the first time I visited.
You’re the best Rockhampton. I hope this isn’t the last visit, but if it is, thanks for the memories. The ones I can and can’t remember.
Justin Hamilton
Rockhampton
24th of April, 2024