Dispatches from the Fury Road: Four Topics to Change the Subject - Oscars Edition
Within minutes of watching Will Smith slap nine kinds of Sunday out of Chris Rock, I braced myself for the deluge of opinions.
Here it is people! An opportunity to share all your definitive thoughts. Quickly write a comprehensive article on what is and isn’t an acceptable joke in this day and age. Bingo! How about an interview with a comedian who has been performing for a grand total of two weeks to give us their fascinating views? Yes please! Do you hate Chris Rock? Now you can finally tell everyone what you’ve been saying for years: that dude had it coming. What about Will Smith? There’s the crack in the facade you’ve been telling everyone about for ages. I need an opinion on Narcissistic behaviour. I need someone to tell me they thought it was kinda hot. Rock handled it well. Rock handled it poorly. What would have happened if the Rock had said the same joke? Good angle. Has anyone mentioned Ricky Gervais yet? Whatever your take is, get it out there now, spelling errors be damned. Nuance and opinion go together like potatoes and taffeta. I want a hot take with extra sizzle please and yes, a side of chips would be fantastic.
This was the only subject anyone wanted to talk about yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. When something actually happens at the Oscars, who doesn’t want to talk about it? It wasn’t that long ago that we had the “La La Land/Moonlight” fiasco and now this. It’s the equivalent of seeing Halley’s Comet twice in one month. I couldn’t escape the Oscars yesterday. I even loaded an NBA podcast and went for a run. Guess what they talked about for the first twenty minutes? Why guess when I can just tell you. It was the Academy Awards! Here I am wanting to find out if Steph Curry’s foot injury has improved and instead I have to listen to people chortle about the biggest overreaction in Oscar’s history since Sally Field gushed that everyone finally liked her.
Unfortunately I also have an opinion. How can you not have one? I’m not sharing mine though because who gives a shit! Two Hollywood dudes having a fallout is literally the last thing I need to be overthinking. I’m also not sharing my thoughts because all I’d be doing is opening myself up to people agreeing, disagreeing or worst, totally misreading what I’m saying and then explaining to me why I’m wrong. I’m a busy guy, I don’t have time for any of this especially when there are so many other subjects we can chinwag about. With that in mind, here are four disparate subjects you can share with your friends when you’ve had enough of people banging on about slapping on.
The War in the Ukraine! Yes, that’s still happening. An actual war that could spill over into the rest of Europe and then the rest of the world. An honest-to-god real issue we have to be very worried about. Hang out with your friends and discuss whether you really need to hold onto your Super because the future is suddenly looking super sketchy. Spend time hoping that some of Putin’s second-in-commands might be secretly planning to swap places so there is still a world to be in command of. Watch the latest Zelensky video and then debate your friends on how quickly it would have taken Prime Minister Morrison to book his next holiday to Hawaii. There’s a lot of meat on the bone and you won’t be bored. Sure you’ll be awake until 3am hoping that Sean Penn can melt his Oscars down into a magic bullet that takes out the Russian leader, but at least you’ll be thinking about something that matters.
Take time out to spare some thoughts for Taylor Hawkins. That was awful news over the weekend. I like the Foo Fighters and have seen them live a few times but they’re not necessarily a band I listen to all of the time. I do like that they exist and I like knowing they’re out there in the world. I have found it quite refreshing in the past watching the Dave Grohl relationship with Taylor. There was a warmth and a love that you don’t often see coming from grown men in public. It was a breath of fresh air to see two dudes show affection for one another and didn’t care what anyone had to say about it. In fact, they were so comfortable with each other they were probably oblivious to any possible criticism. If you want to honour Taylor Hawkins’ memory, get onto YouTube and look up clips like this. It won’t take the pain away that he’s gone, but it will make you grateful that he was here in the first place.
Go and watch Severance. Why aren’t you watching it? Oh, right, you only had Apple TV to watch Ted Lasso and when it was over you cancelled the subscription. Well it’s time to get back on the Apple TV train. Severance has been an old-school water cooler TV show with great aesthetics, wonderful performances and a story that leaves you rolling around on the carpet wondering just what the fuck is happening. I cannot single one person out in the cast because they’re all pitch perfect. Ben Stiller is a brilliant director and Dan Erickson has created a story that feels like the great grandchild Twin Peaks would be most proud of. Don’t look anything up, just get into it before someone explains to you why you should have picket the castanets.
Have you ever hung out with someone who has done a lot of cocaine for way too long and might still be indulging? They tell you a story that you know is true, but you also know they’re adding just a little extra spice to make it more entertaining. Well that is what it is like watching Winning Time on HBO. The story of Jerry Buss buying the Los Angeles Lakers and drafting a rookie known as Magic Johnson is already a fascinating tale. That the producers have decided to “HBO” the shit out of it makes it must see TV. Sure, it approaches the facts of the story the way the Lakers played their 80s offence: fast and loose. Yet it is thoroughly entertaining and my not-so-secret guilty pleasure to start the week.
There you have it. Four topics you can use to steer the conversation away from the Oscars. There’s a serious topic, a sad topic, an intriguing topic and a fun topic. Pick and choose, mix and match, it’s your special day. Heck, you don’t even have to use these topics. This is just a little inspiration to remind you that you can talk about anything else that you find interesting. Maybe you want to talk about cats. Maybe you want to discuss the movie Cats. Maybe you want to debate whether the next Batman movie could see him fight Catman. Cats! They can do anything. And so can you, you crazy cat. Free yourself of the discourse and let your mind wander. You’ll be rapt with what you might find.
Justin Hamilton
Surry Hills
March 2022