Dispatches from the Fury Road: Avocado.
Avocados. Is there anything they can’t do?
They’ve been around for 10,000 years and are more popular than ever. I know people who’d kill to remain relevant in the entertainment industry for five years, so this is remarkable.
They’re better than bananas for all your potassium needs. That means they’re also great for your cardiovascular health. Take that B1 and B2!
They wear their little supermarket stickers better than anyone. Yeah, i said it lemons. Get that sour look off your face. When it comes to stickers, you’re second best at best.
They’re so charismatic, the eighth Pearl Jam album is referred to as the avocado album because there is a picture of one on the cover. Now that’s star power.
Their ability to suit any mood is unparalleled. Scrape it over your toast in the morning. Add it to you salad for lunch. Turn it into ice-cream and you can eat it on a stick like a proper treat. You know, the type of treat that tastes heaps better but is much worse for your health.
You can wear it as a mask.
There’s some evidence it prevents gum disease.
Avocado oil helps wounds repair quicker. Only physical ones, not emotional wounds. Maybe if you ate a whole tub of avocado ice-cream, it might fill that hole in your heart…but probably not.
It’s been used as an insult in Australian Parliament. That’s right. Rich people believe young people from lower economic families have to make a choice: avocado for breakfast, or crippling mortgage for a house that is falling apart for life. Ay, caramba!
It’s also a fruit that invites a little physical touch. If you want to find out if it is ripe, give it a little squeeze on the tush. It’s okay, you don’t have to ask permission. It loves it.
If there’s no give, it isn’t ready to eat. Too much give and it is probably overripe. If it gives just a little, then it is just right, so go for it Goldilocks.
But you know what I love most about avocados? The way they can help you procrastinate when you have deadlines looming and a rumbly tummy.
Time to give that tush one more squeeze…
Justin Hamilton
Surry Hills
11th of March, 2024