Dispatches from the Fury Road: Reviews.
“How was your experience at our restaurant?”
“You enjoyed a booking with us on Saturday, the 9th of March. We hope you enjoyed your time with us. Please leave us a five star review and your feedback. We look forward to seeing you again soon.”
Thank you. The food was great. The wine was great. We had a great time. When I think about it though, you charged us $33 for what is essentially half a roasted cauliflower. Do not get me wrong. It was delicious. Yet still it is half a cauliflower. It was $28 for the eggplant too. That’s a big mark up, right? I get that the restaurant industry is struggling but damn, that’s a lot. To be honest, I wouldn’t have thought about it if I hadn’t been asked to write a review. I’m guessing you don’t need this much feedback. You just want the stars. Fuck it. Five stars.
“Thank you for your recent visit to our cinemas, we’d love to hear about it. We always strive to deliver a top cinema experience, but we need your help. Please take this quick survey and share your valuable feedback. We can’t wait to welcome you back soon.”
Hello. I love your cinema because you have such a wide range of movies for to choose from. Your staff are always friendly and the cinemas are mostly clean. Not everyone reads the notice at the end of the trailers asking patrons to clean up after themselves, and return glasses to the bar. I guess that’s on them although it can be annoying when I sit in a chair that has popcorn mashed into the seats. It is also frustrating when I am engrossed in a film to have someone open the door and flood the darkened room with light, right at the point where the movie is revealing the climax of the story. It would be great if you still paid ushers to help people find the right cinema, but I know cinemas are struggling, so this is just something I will endure. What’s the point of giving feedback you can’t do anything about? I am definitely on your side with that one. Also, that survey took over ten minutes. I think it would be a good idea to give people a heads up before they start answering the questions. Anyway, good-o. Five stars.”
“Your feedback needed. You attended our bar over the weekend and we’d love to hear your thoughts. We can’t wait to see you here again soon.”
Hi! I have no idea how you scored my email address. I don’t remember giving it to you on the night. My friend and I did have a lovely time. We had an early dinner, saw a movie and then stopped by your establishment to discuss said film. Your staff were mostly nice, except for that one girl who seemed really put out that we turned up at all. She also huffed and puffed when we pointed out she brought us the wrong drink. I get it. Nights can be annoying but I also know my friend and I were in a good mood having a good time. We were polite and to be honest, if the staff member hadn’t huffed and puffed, we might have just kept the wrong drink anyway. I’m really bamboozled how you got my email address. Heck. You don’t really want any of this and who gives a shit about one staff member showing some attitude. She probably didn’t like us for a myriad reasons all based on what we looked like. Who didn’t judge people like us when they were younger? Anyway, I know the bar industry is struggling so even though the experience was fine, I’ll give you five stars because I’d like you to keep your jobs in this tough economic climate.
“Hey, thanks for taking me out for my birthday. The food was great. The movie was really interesting, so much so I didn’t even notice that person open the door right near the end. I’m sorry it annoyed you. Then the woman at that bar was hilarious. All in all, I had a really fun night. If you have any feedback, I’m totally up for hearing your thoughts. Hopefully we can do this again soon, even if it isn’t my birthday.”
Hi. I also had a really fun night. I think the…
Justin Hamilton
Surry Hills
19th of March, 2024